Thank you sweet Dee

My dog, Ellen Dee, passed away last week from intestinal cancer. She was two months shy of her eighth birthday.

In the days since her passing, I’ve struggled tremendously to deal with the emotion and finality of it. Ellen Dee was there for me during the hardest, most emotionally trying years of my life. She was always my strength and courage. She helped me do things that were scary, that I didn't think I was capable of, but that were so important and stretched me as a person—like pack up all my belongings, rent out my house and move away from my family (twice). I did things I never would have done if she hadn’t been there, but I did them because I knew no matter what happened, she’d always be by my side.

But until last night, when a friend sent me a quote that helped her get through the days and weeks following the loss of her beloved cat, Puddin’, I didn’t truly realize the real gift Ellen gave me. The quote said:

“Our animals shepherd us through certain areas of our lives. When we are ready to turn the corner and make it on our own…they let us go.”

The night before Ellen passed was my 40th birthday. I lay on the floor with her, listening to her shallow, painful breaths, praying like hell she would somehow get better. Around 3 am, she got up and went to lay in the hall, alone. I knew it was her way of telling me she was ready to go. And that I needed to let her go. But, after I read that quote last night, I also realized it was her way of telling me that I too was ready, and that I needed to go on without her.

Ellen watched me struggle through five years of bad relationships with people who were never there for me. So, when I met my amazing partner, Eileen, who not only adored little Dee, but was truly devoted to me, Ellen knew I was going to be okay. For the first time in her life, she saw that I had someone who loved and supported me. Ellen shepherded me through the storm, and now the sun was out, the seas were calm and her job was done. It was time for her to go, and time for me to make it on my own.

On July 24, 2009, Ellen Dee went to the biggest, best doggie park of all—the one in the sky. She ran all the way there, with a happy smile and light heart, knowing she had done the most amazing job in this life. I will always be grateful to sweet little Dee for being my courage and my strength for so, so long. And while I’ll always miss her sweet face, wiggle tail and air kisses, I know when I see her again, I’ll have lived a much fuller life because of her.

Thanks for everything Ellen Dee. I love you. The next time I see you, you’ll be chasing your squeaky football from cloud to cloud to cloud. I know because I’ll be the one throwing it.

Shelly