Pubic Indecency

You’ll notice there’s no photo posted with this blog entry. Be thankful for that. No one should have to see what I saw yesterday. As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “There’s good naked and bad naked.” Yesterday I discovered the worst kind of naked.

Nearly every time I’m at the gym I see the same elderly Chinese woman in the locker room. She never has any clothes on. Even worse, she’s always doing something you really don’t want to see anyone do naked. Like clipping her toenails. Or exfoliating her feet. All with what appears to be a muskrat attached to her crotch.

So yesterday morning there she was, buck-naked as usual. I hurried past her and shoved my stuff into a locker. When I turned around this was the scene: The woman was standing in a semi-squatting position, legs slightly apart, straddling her gym towel. Before I could slam my eyelids shut she started scrubbing her crotch with the towel, working it front to back, like two lumberjacks trying to take down an oak tree. This was no gentle towel dry. Her beaver was getting the kind of scrubbing usually reserved for someone exposed to dangerously high levels of nuclear radiation.

I stood there for a moment in stunned silence, not sure what to do. (Run? Scream? Run screaming?) But the solution was right in my hand.

I gouged out my eyes with my iPod.

Jenny